Guinness Genius
by Meum Cerebrum Nocet
Summary: At the local pub's annual Saint Patrick's Day trivia night, Scorpius becomes the 'Guinness Genius" but maybe not the 'romantic genius.'


_**Summary:**_ _At the local pub's annual Saint Patrick's Day trivia night, Scorpius becomes the 'Guinness Genius" but maybe not the 'romantic genius.'_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _I own no recognizable content._

* * *

 **Guinness Genius**

* * *

 _You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know._

 _~Oscar Wilde_

* * *

It all started when Albus excitedly burst into the small coffee shop, clutching a green leaflet tight in his hands. The three of them, Albus, Scorpius, and Rose, had been meeting up at the small, out-of-the-way café for several months. While at Hogwarts they'd regularly eaten meals together and had wanted to keep the tradition going after graduation.

Also, it gave Rose and Scorpius an excuse to innocently meet up on a regular basis. Throughout their Hogwart's careers, both Rose and Scorpius had developed feelings for the other, thought neither one had ever admitted their feelings to anyone, let alone to each other. Despite their muteness on their feelings, both Rose and Scorpius constantly sought out reasons and events that would allow them to be in each other's presence.

Weekly lunch, with Albus of course, was one such innocuous event. They were simply old school chums ensuring the continuance of their friendship with regular maintenance.

Of course, despite their mutual obliviousness over the feelings of the other, nearly every one else who knew the pair knew they fancied each other. It was probably the worst kept secret in Hogwarts history. In the last few months, Albus had taken it upon himself to get either one or both of his friends to _finally_ confess their feelings and get together already!

And, on that cold, blustery February day, he felt he'd found the perfect way to achieve his ends.

* * *

"A pub quiz night? Al, you want me to spend one of my extremely precious nights off at a muggle pub answering trivia questions for some silly trophy and bragging rights?" Rose asked Albus sceptically. As a healer-in-training, Rose basically spent every waking hour, and quite a few sleeping hours, at the hospital. Personal time was essentially non-existent; Rose had to pull quite a few strings just to get these weekly lunches off. She, therefore, greedily coveted any free nights off and made sure they were spent in the best way possible.

An evening overpaying for drinks and answering questions was, definitely, not the best way possible.

"Come on, Rose! It'll be fun! You're supposed to get absolutely sloshed and St. Patrick's Day! Why not do that while also answering questions about it all? You could be awarded the grand title of 'Guinness Genius' of you agree! It's a prize named after an Irish muggle beer and goes to the person who answers the most questions correctly. With our combined brain power I'm almost positive we could be victorious!" Albus gave his cousin his best puppy dog look in an attempt to win her over.

Having grown up with an extremely competitive older brother, Albus seemed to crave competition. He sough it out wherever he could, even going on to play professional Quidditch in search of that thrill. Also, Albus had always had an obsession with trivia that Rose found endlessly endearing.

"Plus, everyone entered in the trivia game gets two free beers and you have to drink every time you get a question wrong so it's sure to be an entertainingly boozy night!" Albus added, almost as an afterthought.

Rose was definitely not an alcoholic, but she did enjoy the occasional alcohol-filled evening, especially when her job was causing her a lot of stress. Which it was currently. And the promise of free and easily flowing drinks was definitely appealing.

"Sounds like a decent evening," Scorpius responded, not particularly enthusiastic, as he sipped his warm tea. With the, albeit half-hearted, agreement of his best friend, Albus turned to his cousin, now the only hold out.

"Fine! We can go do this pub quiz night thing. If it means that much to you," Rose responded, trying to hide her enthusiasm at the prospect of spending an evening with Scorpius.

* * *

That year Saint Patrick's Day fell on a Friday. By the time Albus, Scorpius, and Rose got off work, changed into more pub appropriate clothes, and apparated to a side street near McGuinty's pub, their destination for the evening, the party had obviously already started. Quite a few people had clearly been drinking for several hours and were thoroughly inebriated. Rose sighed; she'd been pretty much expecting and dreading this very thing.

The small group quickly pushed through the fairly large drunken crowd and, luckily, found three seats at empty high table in the middle of the bar. It seemed to be away from most of the drunken crowd, and provided good sight lines to the screens where the trivia questions would soon be displayed.

"Three Guinness and whatever else is required for the trivia tournament, please," Albus told the waitress when she came to take their orders. Rose, who had only gotten off work twenty minutes prior also added some traditional pub fair for the table. The waitress, looking stressed and harried, quickly scribbled down their order before inputting it in a device Rose knew as a computer. She then returned a few moments later with their pints of dark liquid and three controls.

"The questions will come up on the screen, and you'll be provided with four possible answers. You just hit either A, B, C, or D on your controller to submit your answer. If your controller flashes red, you got the answer wrong and you'll need to either take a shot or a swig of beer. Good luck," the waitress spoke, almost robotically, before hurrying off to deal with another table. It was quite obvious that she'd recited these exact same instructions so many times that the words would forever be ingrained in her mind, and she just couldn't pretend to be interested or happy about it any more.

"Well," Albus said, cheerfully raising his drink in the air, "here's to an exciting, informative, alcohol-fuelled night of questions and answers. May the best man be crowned Guinness Genius!" The three of them did the obligatory clinking of glasses before each took a large swig of their beer.

Rose allowed the liquid to wash down her throat, enjoying the taste of the muggle brew. She welcomed the warmth that spread throughout her body and the slight numbing and cloudiness that filled her brain. She wasn't normally a light-weight, but even the smallest amount of alcohol on an empty stomach, and the fact that Rose couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten anything definitely pointed to the fact that her stomach was empty, could affect her.

Suddenly, a cheery Irish jig tune sounded throughout the pub and a small, animated leprechaun began dancing along to the music on the screens throughout the pub. The trivia tournament was about to begin.

As the music began to play, the chaotic atmosphere that had previously filled the small space settled down. People who had been wandering, or more accurately stumbling, around the open spaces all took seats at tables or in booths.

The music faded, the leprechaun stopped dancing and was replaced by a screen explaining the rules and procedures of the Guinness Genius St. Patrick's Day tournament. Rose wasn't sure how many of the inebriated patrons were actually reading the screen but, being the good Ravenclaw, she most certainly read it all.

The screen then went blank and, when it came back on, there was a question written in glittering green lettering.

 _Who is celebrated throughout the world on March 17_ _th_ _?_

Below the glittering green letters were four leprechauns, each with a letter emblazoned on their hats: A, B, C, and D. They each had a speech bubble, signifying talking, providing their answer to the question. Leprechaun A said Saint George. B exclaimed Saint Patrick. C yelled Saint Andrew. Finally D stated Saint David. Rose knew that each answer was a patron saint of the four countries of the British Isles. She also knew the answer, and it was extremely obvious. Perhaps it was harder to the inebriated?

She confidently pressed B and her controller flashed green. She'd gotten it right; no real surprise. A quick glance around the table showed that Albus and Scorpius had also guessed correctly. However, throughout the bar, even on this easy of a question, several people downed a drink.

'This,' Rose thought, hoping she wouldn't regret her decision to go out that night, 'is going to be a long evening.'

* * *

The Guinness Genius competition continued on in much the same was at that first question. A green glittery lettered question would appear on the screen with four different answers given by leprechauns. The bar patrons would answer, mostly incorrectly as the night went on and more and more alcohol was consumed, and then nearly everyone would take a drink.

Despite the 'rules' of the game that you only had to drink if you got the answer wrong, most people had also decided to drink in celebration of their correct answers. As a result, a few hours into the tournament, almost the entire pub was sloshed.

Rose, ever cognisant of her work schedule and the fact that she had an extremely early start the next day, only slowly sipped on the beer. She did get a few questions wrong –she had absolutely no idea what St. Patrick's 'real' name was- and she followed the rules, goody-two-shoes that she was, and took a few large swigs of her beer. She wasn't, by any definition, drunk; she could feel the affects of alcohol coursing through her veins, but she was still in full control of her faculties.

The same could not be said for Albus and Scorpius, who had downed several beers, both in celebration and as a consequence. They were quite rat-faced, and yet, Scorpius was still amazingly able to answer questions correctly. Most of his alcohol consumption had been in celebration, or to commiserate the long string of wrong answers Albus was accumulating.

Albus loved trivia games, played them at every opportunity he could, but he absolutely sucked at them. He had a terrible time keeping information in his head, a serious problem when he'd been at school. Scorpius, on the other hand, had a mind like a steel trap. Anything, even the smallest and most insignificant detail, would get stuck in his mind and, with a realtively small amount of effort, could be retrieved on demand. He was clearly built for trivia challenges and, despite the copious amounts of alcohol that he had ingested that night, was showcasing his natural ability.

"I must say, Scor," Rose spoke, taking a long sip of her beer, "I'm quite impressed with your alcohol-addled recall. You're doing quite handsomely despite the handicap." The alcohol running through her veins compelled her to punctuate her statement with a fairly flirtatious smile.

Scorpius seemed to pick up on the smile, and a strange something came over him. He momentarily turned away from the game and looked Rose directly in the eye.

"I must say, Rose," Scorpius returned, his words slurring together. He waivered slightly on his chair, the alcohol affecting his balance and motor skills. Rose wasn't sure what he 'must say,' and the dramatic pause he was letting pass between the them was starting to drag out a little too long. That, combined with the strange look he was giving her –was that supposed to be flirting?-, and their nearly constant eye contact was really putting her off.

"Yes?" Rose finally asked, the pause becoming too much. A small part of Rose thought Scorpius may have even forgotten what it was he was trying to tell her. However, his constant eye contact kept that part of Rose very, very small.

"There's been something… important I want to tell you!" Scorpius spoke, slurring some words and drawing out others. Rose continued waiting in anticipation. Apparently, drunk Scorpius had some sort of revulsion to getting to the point, Scorpius clumsily leaned in close to Rose, placing a hand on her knee. Initially, Rose read it as a necessity to help stabilize himself after the movement. However, when he began tracing designs on her thigh with his thumb, Rose knew it was more than innocent contact.

At first she flushed, her imagination taking the boldness of alcohol and progressing the small contact much further. Then an icy coldness overcame her, trickling and slowly spreading throughout her entire being. it was the icy coldness of realisation, a slightly unpleasant realisation.

Scorpius never touched her like this. It was far too intimate for their relationship. This was how a boyfriend touched their girlfriend, or touched someone they wanted to be their girlfriend.

Rose had pictured this moment countless times, when Scorpius would confess his romantic feelings for her, and Rose would finally, gladly return them. It was always a magical moment in some extremely romantic location: an elegant restaurant; a secret garden; Paris. She had never pictured it in a loud, rowdy pub while Scorpius was completely rat-faced.

"For some time now," Scorpius began , probably trying to make his voice sound husky and sexy but failing miserable. He achieved something more akin to having something caught in his throat. Rose leaned back, hoping that Scorpius would get the hint and stop. She also looked around for her cousin, thinking he could provide some support, but he was nowhere to be found. And Scorpius was far too drunk to pick up on her very slight movement. He ploughed on anyway.

"For some time now, I have developed feelings for you, Rose. You are… very smart. Which is good. You are also really pretty. Nice, you know, body, and face, and hair, and teeth…" Scorpius continued confessing, trying to force his brain to form coherent, and flattering thoughts. He was failing miserably. The normally eloquent Malfoy was reduced to a bumbling fool.

Rose quickly had enough. All her fantasies and daydreams of this moment were crashing around her. Despite the pleasing fact that Scorpius fancied her, the only emotion that Rose could manage was mortification. Nearly in tears, she stood and hurried out of the pub, leaving Scorpius stunned.

* * *

Rose leaned against the brick wall of the pub. She couldn't talk herself into actually leaving, heeding home and calling it a night. As soon as the cool air had hit her face, Rose had begun to realise that she may have overreacted. Scorpius was confessing, why couldn't see be happy and excited about that? Sure, it hadn't happened the way she'd imagines it, but so many things in reality pales when compared to the fantasy. Those instances hadn't sent her into a tailspin like what she was currently experiencing.

She decided to go back in, apologize to Scorpius for her terrible behaviour, and let him know that she returned his feelings. However, the sight of an approaching figure halted her in her tracks. Scorpius, the man of the hour so to speak, had just emerged from the pub. He had a large gaudy crown on his head and he was carrying a case of beer. Despite the obvious signs of victory, the crown proudly proclaimed him the 'Guinness Genius.' His shoulders were slumped, his head hung low, and he was slowly dragging his feet. He was obviously dejected about something.

Her cousin Al, making an appearance after being missing for a solid twenty minutes, hovered around Scorpius. He spoke in low, hushed tones, so Rose couldn't make out what was being said. She assumed it was words of encouragement because, and she only realised it then, by running out on his confession she'd basically rejected him.

Rose made to move forward, to close the gap between her and the boys, and clear up everything. The sound of her feet on the gravel of the street outside the pub seemed to alert Scorpius. He looked up. Their eyes met, Rose's and Scorpius', and words began pouring out of their mouths.

"I'm so sorry! I overreacted! I had this stupid image in my mind-"

"I apologize Rose! The alcohol sort of took control and the words just started-"

Realising they were talking over each other, both went quiet, just staring. After a beat, Rose, the only one there with a real reason to apologize, began to speak; Scorpius, probably sensing Rose's line of thought, remained silent.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing. Not you, Scor. I'm the one who acted so incredibly rudely, walking out on you and everything. It's just- it's just that I've spent far too much time thinking about this moment, about you confessing your feelings to me, that I built it up way too much in my mind. It was supposed to, in my imagination, be quite the spectacle and, well, this pub and everything was never a part of it

"I just got too in my head and high and mighty about it all. I freaked out when I should have been happy and I walked out when I should have… Well I should have done this." Rose took several, slightly hurried, steps forward, closing the gap between her and Scorpius. She then leaned in, trying to get as close to him as she could with a case of beer in between them, and pressed her lips to his.

Looking back on it years later, Albus would take full credit for the whole plan. It had all formed in his head that February day as he'd made his way to lunch and the poster announcing the trivia night had blown into his face. Simply seeing those few words had acted as a spark of inspiration and his genius plan unfolded. Rose and Scorpius were all his doing, and he never let them forget it.


End file.
